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Yin Yoga - My journey of self discovery.

The Beginning...

I was first started Yin Yoga a few years ago although I already knew a little from my Niece (also a Yoga Teacher) and I had already gained a lot of flexibility and core strength from Pilates. I was curious to see if Yin Yoga would compliment my Pilates practice that I loved so much and had so much respect for. Little did I know then at the very start that a new love affair was about to begin, a love affair and a new found respect and understanding for my body and how It would enhance my Pilates teaching as well as my own practice and how it would change me as a person! Gosh this is becoming a little intense and deep!


My first experience...

Where were we? Living where I live in a sleepy Dales village there were no classes near me so I began scrolling through YouTube until I found someone whom I kind of connected to (I don't know about you but not all instructors hit the right chord with me and some of them are too fake and forced and I need someone who is genuine if I am to enjoy a class or exercise session). When the instructor said find your edge in the pose (typically for the old me) I thought he meant it had to be a really big intense stretch and went into the poses with a little bit too much enthusiasm! I went too deep into the poses ignoring little tell tale signs from my body that it was too much and carried on, serving my ego instead of my body. The end result of course was that was that It wasn't a positive experience for me! I came away thinking my body didn't suit Yin Yoga. That was me soothing my ego, because how could I go into a stretch too deeply? It's just a stretch right? WRONG!


2nd and 3rd attempt...

But something brought me back to the same video and it took me a few attempts to realise that I was missing something. Nothing was going to change until I changed my mindset and learned from previous mistakes of over reaching and going into the poses too deeply. It was then that my relationship with Yin Yoga truly began. It wasn't easy for me at all, I struggled both physically and mentally. Physically because my body wasn't used to going into the shapes I was attempting to put my body in, mentally because I was looking for a quick fix and I found it hard mentally to let go of the feeling of the frustration of not being able to do the poses to what I thought was perfect. It took me quite a while to understand how to just be, to feel the stretch (sensations), and relax my body and not tense up when the intensity of the pose increased and to resist pushing deeper and to instead allow the pose to do the work for me. That is to let go of wanting more, to let go of perfection. Until this point all of my exercise was very intense and I wasn't comfortable sitting still for long periods, I needed high intensity exercise to make me feel good.

Pre Yin Yoga me

I didn't realise it at the time but I was in search of perfection (the trouble with that is you never reach perfect because when your searching for perfection you're never happy with what you have achieved, when you reach your goal you're still not happy, you want more and more and more) I never felt good enough, I never felt as though I was working hard enough or doing enough, I had a tendency to focus more on the negative side of things. I would worry about things a lot more, I struggled to let go of things that were outside of my control. My mind was excellent at replaying old records of past difficulties and I dealt with them through tough exercise (hard exercise is great and it has its place but when the endorphins are short lived). I wasn't depressed but I was more highly strung and certainly easily drawn in to other peoples stress and my own stress.


Becoming a Teacher...

As time went on and I began learning more I knew I wanted to share this beautiful and little unforgotten ancient practice so I became a Yin Yoga Teacher. It was during this process that I found myself not only enjoying the physical benefits but also naturally learning more and more about what it could do for my mind. I didn't set out or seek out for this to happen it just began to unfold and it is still unfolding.


Self discovery and change...

A big part of yoga is to learn to let go. Let go of stress, let go of past sadness and trauma. Why do we do this? Well, have you ever notice how your shoulders scrunch up and your upper back gets tight when your feeling stressed or what happens to your lungs and throat when you are sad and cry? They begin to close up, making it harder to breathe. Stress plays a huge part in gut health too. None of this does us any good. Of course prior to my first Yin Yoga experience I had not given any of the above any thought. Yoga teaches us self respect, self love, self appreciation, self acceptance, and to accept the things that are outside of our control and gracefully let go of the things that are not meant for us. It was listening and reading these teachings that has made me take a look inwards at myself and learn to let go of self doubt, impatience, searching for perfection in myself, wanting things to be different than they already are.

Now...

Mentally, I am very different, I am no longer in search of perfection, no longer get annoyed with myself if I make mistakes, I get drawn in to my own and other peoples stress less. I am finding myself letting go more and more of things that are outside of my control. I value myself much more than ever. I love myself more than ever. I am more content to just be. I congratulate myself on my achievements. I am happier, more content and more appreciative of what I have. My life is fuller and I remind myself of all that I have and name 5 things every day that I am grateful for.


A little thing I try to keep in my mind-


Negativity is like weeds: strong and not very nice, some prickly and a little sharp.

The path to the weeds is well worn and easy to walk along (most of us tend to .water the weeds a lot, we listen to the negative stuff too much and notice when things aren't going too well).

The path to the flowers is overgrown and difficult to walk upon (most people aren't so good at thinking of the positive stuff or noticing when things are going well)

The more we walk to the flowers and water the flowers the easier it will become, the path will flatten out and be easier to walk and the path to the weeds will become more overgrown and the weeds will die if we no longer feed them or feed them less).



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